Fight Club

I was lucky enought to see this movie in the theater. I walked out that night totally stunned and overwhelmed. There were so many parts of that movie that had relevance to me. Hehe, the first few times I saw that movie I took it very seriously. Now, of course it fills the entertainment void and has a few good laughs. You probably don't know where I am going with this...You remember the scene behind the bar? The first fight? "I want you to hit me as hard as you can." When they are walking home that night, Tyler is splashing through the filthy, stinking, city water in the gutter, while "I" am walking on the sidewalk like a normal person. This is the scene that leads into the whole theme behind the movie: You have to hit rock-bottom before you can really accomplish something important.

Cycling. The biggest race in the sport, and the world. Cheaters. Exposed. From the inside AND the outside, it looks like this sport is finished. If you gave a layman all the facts then asked him to comment on the future of cycling, he would tell you the outlook is grim. The scary thing is, if you asked a rider, soigneur, a team-director, a fan, someone on the inside, their initial reaction wouldn't be much different. I have felt, recently, the same way. Other days, now, I am a bit more optimistic.

I read yesterday a comment made by a team-director, or someone of that sort of stature, on the protest by riders at the start of stage 17: "ten years ago, they would be protesting the doping-controls, today, they are protesting the cheaters." If you ponder that statement directly, and I would, then I would say that dammit, things are looking up!

I am going to be truthful here. Bear with me.
When I actually started winning real races I thought about what it would be like to take drugs. It was almost like checking a box on a list of things to do: Sleep well? check. Eat well? check. Train hard? check. Injections? check. Oh, cool....win race. check. I am being blunt but I don't think there has been a better time for directness. When I thought just about taking the drugs and winning races, it was uncomplicated, and powerful. Wicked powerful. Winning races is what we strive so hard for, that taste, that feeling, it is the sweetest by far, and it will drive some of us to do something we might not otherwise. But, but, 0h yeah, then there's......"So, you are amazing! How did you do that?! Win that race like that?!" "I am so proud of you!" "That was fantastic, you are my hero!" "That was beautiful, the way you rode out there!" I couldn't live with that secret. After a lot of hard thinking I realized that that decision makes the rest of your life a lie. The rest of your life is a long time. I mean we are talking about a job, a passion, that sometimes, not all the time mind you, is an example for the way you live your life. A reflection of character perhaps. Nevertheless a choice that I, for one, and more recently for many, couldn't live with. That burden is too great for my skinny shoulders.

I am extremely lucky. My wife. My family. My friends. My teammates. My team. Ahh, my team. I would say that right now, in this time in cycling, there is really no better place to be. This is not an opinion, I believe fully, that just about every clean rider out there right now wants to be a part of Slipstream, a part of JV's dream. A warm, bright, ray of hope streaming down into that hole. That place where you can dig no further. Rock-Bottom.