Well-Done Please

First of all, I would like to apologize for my tardiness.  It is that time of year where the motivation to do ANYTHING, much less ride a bike fast, feels impossible.  I figured, and was told enthusiastically, that my form would be great after Portugal, that I would be flying!  Not the case.  I have also wrestled with the notion that this kind of talk(my reaction to the enthusiasm), attitude, and general sourness, is a direct result of a tough, first-hard-look-at-the-life-of-a-pro, European race program.  It was hard for me to accept this at first.  I really wanted to do well at USPRO.  REALLY WELL.  I was told that I could, I was definately capable of riding a top-five race there, and they were right, but only to a point.  I of course figured out for myself that these kind, generous, peeps were giving me the benefit of the doubt, and in their eyes, maybe I was capable. 

I had a very trying day.  I had indications of a good day, but generally speaking I was not on the same level that I was three weeks ago.  The old, familiar, sickening feeling of doubt was surfacing and I had to get rid of him fast.  I decided that the best thing to do was to accept it.  A difficult way to end the year.  No matter.  Patience.  The old cliche.  Here I sit at my final race of my first year as an argyle-clad cycle-dork.  I am generally happy, what I AM still kind of struggling with is the general, physical feeling of tiredness that consumes my body.  My legs have ached non-stop since that psychotic, high-altitude, slaughter-fest that was the Niwot criterium.  Yes, yes, I do not embellish.

On the bike, we are defined by pain, the ability to ignore it, relax, and go harder.  That is the entire issue for us, and for me, as I have discovered recently,  it is damn near impossible to say, that's it, I can't take anymore, I am finished, burnt to a crisp, stick a fork in me....blah, blah, blah.  Let me be the first to tell you: I have accepted it.  I have lost the motivation to figure anything out.  SO this weekend I am just going to go back to the basics, have fun, and ride my bike.

I know what you are saying, I know that this is common knowledge, everybody knows this, sorry, first-timer here.  It is harder to live it than to listen to it.  Thanks for reading.